Start from what you like about yourself
You don't need to love every inch of yourself before you start dating, and nobody's confidence is perfect. But the people who are right for you are drawn to the way you actually are, so there's little to gain from hiding it. Start with what you enjoy about yourself and your life, and let that lead.
Photos: be recent, be yourself
Your photos tell people what to expect, so choose ones you like and that look like you now. Many plus size women find it helpful to include at least one photo that shows their full figure, because it saves surprises and filters out people who wouldn't be a match. That's your call, and nobody is owed a particular picture.
- Lead with a clear photo of your face and a smile if that's you.
- Add a photo of you doing something you love, which gives people something to ask about.
- Use photos you're comfortable having seen, and remember anything shared can be saved.
Say what you want in your profile
A couple of honest lines can filter out a lot of the wrong messages before they arrive. You don't need to apologize for your body or explain it. You can say what you're looking for and how you'd like to be approached.
"I'm looking for someone kind who can hold a conversation. Tell me something about you before you tell me what you think of me."
"Plus size and happy about it. If you like what you see, I'd love to hear what you like about the rest of me too."
Spot who sees you, and know when you're being fetishized
The first few messages tell you a lot. Someone who read your profile and asks about something in it is a different prospect from someone who opens with your size.
- A good sign: he mentions something from your profile, asks a question, and takes his time.
- A good sign: he accepts a "no" or a "not yet" without sulking or arguing.
- A warning sign: he keeps commenting on your size, or every message comes back to your body.
- A warning sign: he asks for more photos straight away, or pushes you to move to another app.
Handling comments
You deserve respect from the first message, and you're allowed to shut down comments you don't like. You don't have to be polite to someone who isn't being polite to you, and you don't have to explain yourself.
"I'd rather talk about something else."
"That's not a comment I'm interested in. Ask me about my week instead."
"I'm going to stop replying now."
On Plus Size Match, explicit images are blurred so you choose whether to look, and you can report any profile with one click.
Trusting someone new, at your pace
- Chat first. A few days of messages tells you whether his profile matches the person.
- Use the profile tools. Members can verify their profile for a tick, every member has a rating others can vote on, and members who reply earn a responsive badge. They help, but aren't guarantees, so trust your instincts.
- Keep your number private. You can chat inside the app without sharing it.
- Meet somewhere public for a first date, arrange your own way home, and tell a friend where you'll be.
Be upfront about what you want
Whether you want something casual or a long relationship, saying so early saves time on both sides. Pay attention to how people respond. Someone who gets vague or cold when you say what you want has told you something.
Why a site built for this can help
On a general dating app, you might spend a lot of time explaining or deflecting. On a body positive site built for plus size singles and the people who love them, like Plus Size Match, members choose to be there, so you don't have to guess who is open to dating you. It's free to join, and you set the terms: what you show, who you reply to and when.
Questions women ask
Should I include a full-body photo?
That's your choice. Many plus size women find one helps, because it avoids surprises and attracts people who like how you look. Choose a photo you feel good in.
How do I tell if someone is fetishizing me?
Watch what he talks about. If his messages keep coming back to your size or body, and nothing in them could only have been written to you, he's told you what he's interested in.
Is it normal to feel nervous about online dating?
Yes. Start with a profile you're happy with, take conversations at your own pace, and remember you can stop replying to anyone at any time.
What if someone won't take no for an answer?
Stop replying and block or report him. You don't owe anyone an explanation, and you shouldn't have to keep dealing with it.
Where can I meet people who like plus size women?
On a site built for it. Plus Size Match is free to join. See how our plus size dating app works, or read about body positive dating.