Like what you like, and treat her as a person
Preferences are normal. Being attracted to curves is no reason to hide it, and pretending otherwise only makes things awkward later. The line to watch is between admiring someone and reducing her to a body type. A woman can tell quickly which one you're doing, and the first is the better start to a real relationship.
So be open about what draws you, then show there's a person behind it: her interests, her sense of humor, how she talks about her day. If everything you say could be said to any woman with the same figure, she'll notice.
Meet BBWs where it's welcome
The easiest way to date a BBW who likes being admired is to go where that's welcome. Plus Size Match is free to join and built for plus size singles and the people who are drawn to them, so nobody has to explain themselves or hide their photos.
- Fill in your profile properly. A clear recent photo, a few honest lines about you, and what you're looking for. An empty profile gets ignored.
- Say what you enjoy, not only what you look for. Interests are what give someone something to reply to.
- Keep early conversations on the site. You can chat without giving out your phone number, and so can she.
Make your first message about her
Most conversations are lost in the first message. Mention something from her profile and ask one easy question. Keep it short, and leave her body out of it.
"Your profile says you love cooking. What's the one dish you'd make for a first date?"
"Your photo from the lake looks like a great day. Where was that?"
Compliments that land
Specific compliments about her smile, her style or something she wrote usually go down better early on than comments about her body. Once there's some rapport, a respectful compliment about her figure can be welcome, especially if she's made it part of her profile. Be sincere rather than flattering, and read how she responds. If she changes the subject, drop it.
Date her the way you'd date anyone
- Ask what she'd enjoy. Plan around her interests, not assumptions about what a BBW would want.
- Ask about comfort, don't guess. If you're choosing a restaurant or an activity, check what suits her instead of deciding for her.
- Look at her face when she talks. It sounds basic, and it matters.
- Include her in your life. If you introduce her to your friends, do it properly, and don't leave her to fend for herself.
- Let her set the pace on meeting up, on touch, and on how much she wants to talk about her body.
Things that end the conversation
- Comments about her weight, or "you're pretty for a big girl"
- Suggesting she should change her body, or treating it as a project
- Asking her size or weight early on
- Making every message about her body, or treating her as a fantasy
- Pushing for photos, or pressuring her to move to another app
- Ignoring a "no", or arguing with it
Checking who you're talking to
The same care applies to you. On Plus Size Match, members can verify their profile for a tick, every member has a rating that others can vote on, and every profile has a report button. Responsive members earn a badge, so you can see who replies. These help, but they aren't guarantees, so keep trusting your instincts and meet somewhere public the first time.
Questions men ask
Is it okay to prefer big beautiful women?
Yes. Preferences are normal. What matters is how you treat the person in front of you, not what you're attracted to.
What's the difference between admiring someone and fetishizing her?
Admiring a woman includes her: her interests, her views, her answers. Fetishizing reduces her to a body type and keeps coming back to her size. If your messages would work for any woman with the same figure, rewrite them.
How do I start a conversation with a BBW?
The same way you would with anyone: mention something from her profile and ask a simple question. Leave her body out of your first message.
Should I mention her size?
Not early on. If she's made her figure part of her profile and the chat is going well, a respectful compliment can work. Let her lead.
Where can I meet BBWs who want to be met?
On a site built for it. Plus Size Match is free to join, and members signed up knowing who it's for. Try our plus size dating app, or read why so many men love big beautiful women.